Mike's Journal: SCUBA Diving

As of today (9/24/96), I've been a non-smoker for almost three months - I can't say whether this is good or not (I still miss cigarettes!) but after finally quitting, I decided that I would do something for myself as a "present" for quitting, (or more appropriately, something that would further increase my guilt if I fell off the wagon). To me, it seemed ideal to consider getting my open water scuba certification.

I've always been fascinated by the water; I'm a certified lifeguard from the Boy Scouts, and I'm also a deep sea fishing fanatic (forget fresh water though - that's

The beach at Destin, FL (shot out the window of a fast moving car)

boring - who wants to catch a fish that's less than 10 pounds - it's not a fair fight). SCUBA diving seemed like a natural for me, plus I could then put one of those cool-looking white-striped-diagonal "diver down" license plates on the front of my car! Ok, maybe I didn't have to get certified to do that, but what the hell. (grin)

So deciding to learn SCUBA diving was an exciting proposition - to be able to travel underwater and breathe sorta like a fish - in the water. To be as close to weightlessness as you can on Earth, and cavort with sharks that aren't handing out business cards or carrying cellular phones -- I liked it already.

The Research

Ok, if you know me, the first thing you'd realize is that I don't generally jump into things - I like to be as well-informed and prepared as possible. It all goes along with my question all authority attitude. I have to know what I'm getting into - and in this case, SCUBA is one of those things that I really didn't have any friends who could give me insight - I was on my own - and when you're ignorant, you can easily be taken advantage of, so I set out to educate myself so I'd know the best ways to accomplish my objectives.

The first step was researching on the Internet - ironically, I couldn't find a whole lot of information on SCUBA diving on the net, and what I did find was incredibly boring. I guess if you were into it, you were out diving and not dorking around behind a computer - which seemed to be the anthesis of the "adventure scene" in which SCUBA diving fit. I learned just enough to become even more confused. However let me point out, that as of the writing of this article, which is only a few months after I decided to embark on this quest, the number of scuba resources and quality of information has improved dramatically. I also subsequently found a SCUBA F.A.Q. from the newsgroup. However, I will maintain that it's still very difficult to get quality information for a layman on SCUBA - everybody ends up telling you "It all depends... Whatever you feel comfortable with... blah..blah..blah" which really can be extremely annoying.

First off, I realize that there are probably a dozen certification agencies: NAUI, PADI, SSI, YMCA, ANDI, IANTD, IDEA, NASDS, PDIC, DAN, etc. Most dive shops where classes are available are associated with one or more organization. And whoever you talk to, if they were certified with SSI, then they'll go "Oh SSI is the best!" - you get the point. I got this same expected mumbo-jumbo from everyone on the scuba newsgroups as well and the official rec.scuba F.A.Q. is a total waste of time in this respect also - there really wasn't much information to analyze that didn't reek of either bias or ambiguity. This was disappointing because I figured that the dive shops would be biased, and on the net, I could get more data to sift through and find true pearls of wisdom, but not in this case -- my quest for information was heading into deep water with very little visibility.

Regarding the certification agency, I guess it would be a lost cause to really analyze things, because generally once you get certified, you rarely repeat the same process with another agency so it's difficult to compare. I've generally heard that PADI is the largest and most popular, and NAUI is the most comprehensive or "toughest" course - seeming to be more military-like dicipline-wise. I opted to go with PADI simply because of the class schedule and shop, as well as a few other items I'll outline later. I was more interested in doing the supposedly tougher NAUI class to test myself more, but it just didn't happen. In retrospect, I don't think my choice was bad at all, but at the present time I have nothing to compare it with.

Meet BOB, the local dive shop proprietor!

And I thought the fun would begin when I got in the water.

I was wrong. I was very wrong. Not only was it not safe in the water, but on land, especially in your typical dive shop, sharks were everywhere! Yes, you, the unknowing land-lubber wanders into the "Dive Emporium" like a pogie searching for the rest of the school, only to be ambushed by "Bob", the Shark owner who's sole purpose in life seems to sell you the most expensive array of items he carries - "Because this is

The Sea Cobra Dive boat - most excellent crew!

your life support equipment..", he says, "You don't want to scrimp on this - trust me; I know. I've done over x thousand dives! How many dives have you done? None? Well, I think that speaks for itself don't you?" Bob is the expert; you are the dork. Bob is a member of that elite clicke - the really cool thrill-seekers; the beautiful people who finance trips to remote islands by praying on dorks like me who just want to see fish and coral - and don't necessarily want to be equipped to cave dive the Yucatan on Helium down to 300 feet for several hours only to see an even deeper hole of water that has only been viewed by seven other super cool thrill-seekers - well, make that 5 cause one is dead and the other is so bent that he doesn't qualify to be on the Special Olympics land snorkling team. Alright! Sign me up Bob! Let's party!

This is yet another one of those cases where "Ignorance is bliss." It really is. If I was just another idiot, I would have walked in, bought the line and things would have been much simpler, but oh no, not for me... I have to make an informed decision, so I have to suffer...

An Investment in equipment

One of the worst things in my case of the shops I visited - they all required you to purchase a bunch of equipment up front - in preparation for the class, before you knew anything about diving; before you had any clue as to what kind of mask or fins you felt comfortable with -- yes you have to buy all these things - and they're generally non-refundable and non-replaceable. No test drive; no Try before you buy. If you don't like what you bought, tough shit - you're stuck with it. But then again, Bob, who's dived more last week than you'll probably do all year - he'll steer you clear - just whip out that MasterCard and Bob will make all that confusion go away. Yes Virginia, you can easily pay $200 for some molded rubber duck feet, and $650 for a BC, and $700 for a regulator - and this is what you really need!

In my case, what I found most frustrating was that you really couldn't test the equipment prior to making a decision. Every shop I visited left you to make a

Vortex Springs Aquafer, Florida

blind choice as to what type of equipment (regulators, BCs, etc) you could use - yes you got to try the rental equipment, but this was usually only 1 or two brands and only certain models. Not what I would call a wide selection.

Every SCUBA shop is an island, and when you land on that island, they tell you that all the other islands suck - that theirs is the best. They tell you that the equipment they carry is the only decent stuff - all three manufacturers. Yes, what a wide array to choose from, and of course, each dive shop says they could carry any line of products they wanted, and these three are their choice - yea right. What a total nightmare this turned out to be.

Another thing that I learned after the fact is that most of the dive shops specialize in certain aspects of diving. If you're into basic recreational, shallow, non-technical diving, beware that if you walk into a shop where the owners dive oil rigs, you'll end up with a SCUBA setup for that type of diving - even if you tell them you just want something basic - and I thought car salesman were bad. In my case, I walked into a cave diving shop - and I had to hear about how cave diving "takes one of the most popular and safest sports and turns it into one of the most dangerous activities on earth." Wow. Now I'm really excited.

The Certification Classes

Finally, I had all my equipment. I did my best to get a good deal without spending

Does this guy ever smile?

a fortune since I had very little experience. I was pleased with what I managed to acquire (hopefully without pissing off the dive proprietors too much). I had my book and study materials, which to be honest - just weren't half as entertaining as the thought of actually being in the water, so I probably wasn't overly enthused about sitting on my sofa reading about scuba diving; something about that just didn't seem appropriate. Nonetheless I read and became facinated by the phisiology of the sport.

The thing about SCUBA is that you get enthralled over the idea of cruising along some gorgeous Caribbean reef cavorting with the fishes so you sign up for the course and in my case, the first hour of the class had much do to with getting us excited about the possibilities, but it wasn't long before we were confronted with the reality of the situation - that we were entering a foreign, potentially hazardous environment, and there were many precautions to observe. What I found particularly interesting was the discussion on nitrogen being absorbed by the body at depth - the longer and deeper you are in the water, the more nitrogen is absorbed. This can be a serious problem if the nitrogen level becomes too high. If you attempt to ascend too quickly the nitrogen in your bloodstream can bubble off (not unlike how a soda fizzes when you release the cap and the pressure decreases rapidly) and create bubbles in your body which can cause some nasty problems, not the least of which is death. A good bit of the course involves training to become aware of the level of nitrogen in your system and how to avoid nitrogen toxicity, narcosis and decompression sickness, as well as dealing with presure changes and the effects of these things on your body. Interestingly enough, the cardinal rule of scuba diving is Never Hold Your Breath! The reason for this is, when you are deep under the water, the air you're breathing is compressed - if you attempt to ascend, the air in your body will expand as pressure decreases. If you hold your breath in this type of situation, it can cause a lung expansion injury which can be potentially fatal.

Ok, this may not sound all that fun. But it's important to understand the dangers involved in entering a new, alien environment. The concept of stress management is an important theme. One is trained to be able to deal with problems in a systematic manner without panicking.

More of the story!